Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! Does politics make you feel tired, listless, bored or confused? Angry or enraged? Terrified or defeated?
If you hold a can of beer or an ice-tea tumbler full of vodka-n-gatorade in your hand, does it leave you feeling pissed off?
If you hold a glass of wine or a frothy latte in your hand, does it leave you filled with angst or ennui?
Well, have I got the cure for you!
How much would you pay to know that there are many other people out there who feel exactly the same as you do? Who share your ideals? One dollar? A hundred dollars?
Wait, there's more! What if I were to tell you that these people not only share your pain, but they are organized, too! That's right, a complete set, including matching baggage! Now how much would you pay? A thousand dollars? A Gazillion-skillion dollars!?
Put your checkbook away, my friend, because this offer is *F*R*E*E* ! For an unlimited time, we are offering membership in all the most popular political ideologies on the planet!
It's truly A-MAZ-O-RIFIC!!
"But SheaNC," you ask, "How can I, an average Joe- or Jane, a workin' stiff, Joe Lunchbox, Jane Timeclock, get on board with this fabulous* opportunity!?"
Well, simply browse through our colorful catalog of political parties, and choose the one that fits you best. Choose two or more if you like! Change your values as often as you like, just like world leaders do! With this "political capital" at your disposal, you can make a political statement and reverse your entire belief system at the same time! We also offer a stylish line of imports.
Having trouble deciding? Take our free test to determine the one that fits you best! Experts will offer advice about sizes and colors... the choices are limitless!!
Don't be pinned down by pesky mainstream politics anymore, with their empty political rhetoric, their complicated ponzi schemes, and their un-truths, half-truths, semi-truths, semi-demi-truths, and triple-backflip-neotruths-with-media-spin-on-the-side.
Hurry! This offer won't be available after Armageddon.
Void where prohibited (see underground availability). May cause dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, heart palpitations, hair loss, blurred vision, shortness of breath, constipation, sexual side effects, loss of appetite, flatulence, cramps, insomnia, vertigo, narcolepsy, drooling, itching, and uncontrollable bloggery. Discontinue use if any signs of homeland security are observed.
*Fabulous: not that there is anything wrong with that.
6 comments:
[edited for pre-morning-coffe incoherence]
Aw, go ahead and call it a commercial. No, wait - it's a public service announcement!
I want to say, too, that even though this post was humerous (I hope), I do believe the mainstream political parties (republican and democrat) represent their consituents' interests less and less. More often, they are bought and paid for by lobbyists, and that is sad.
SheaNC, I saw your war of comments at conservativesmartchoice.blogspot.com a couple of days ago. I thought it was amazingly funny. He has since removed all comments, but I saved everything before he removed them. lol
Wow, thanks. You know, in hindsight, I ended up feeling guilty about attacking the guy because, after all, he's got youthfulness as an excuse. But his education has to begin somewhere, right? I think every commenter who passed his site was amused by the way he butchered the language. Which is also something I felt guilty about later, because I thought, "what if he is from some other country and learning to speak english or something?" But in the end, his politics were hopelessly Limbaugh-esque. I was particularly happy to see so many other people who felt the same way! And I was "amazed, but not surprised," when I saw that he wa removing all the comments he couldn't handle... and then removed the comment option altogether!
Hey, wait a minute... you don't think... naw it couldn't be... Alexander the Great was... George W. Bush!! AAUUGGHH!
Evan (and whoever else may be interested), I just visited Alexander the Great's site... you can still send comments to him here: http://pub41.bravenet.com/forum/3456307203
I gotta pay a visit to the guy. It's like watching "Blind Date" or something... you want to look away but you just can't...
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