Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Rules for Being a Republican

These are pretty good... the Rules for Being a Republican! I mean, the repubs always play by the rules, don't they? After all, they're the ones who make up the rules, and change them (or break them) whenever they want!

20 comments:

Nedhead said...

You know, I started to laugh...then realized that rules weren't a joke....

Unadulterated Underdog said...

Good post! It's too bad that rules only apply to everyone else when the NeoCon GOP'ers make them.

Ken Grandlund said...

Hard to get through with all the laughter rolling out of my body. but ned is right...they DO seem to be real. Too many rules in there fo rme though.

I prefer the more simple party of COmmon Sense: Treat others as you would have them treat you.

Nedhead said...

ken the optimist

Jack Mercer said...

How To Become a Contemporary Democrat

You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of Federal funding.

You have to believe that the same school system that can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow the best qualified to teach those same kids all about sex.

You have to believe that illegal Democrat Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by Americans driving SUVs.

You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.

You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert
E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and beastiality should be constitutionally protected and
manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of
the constitution.

You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding Americans, are more of a threat
than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.

Just playing devils advocate, Shea...

-Jack

SheaNC said...

Yeah, Jack, and I'm sure the Devil appreciates your advocacy; as well as that of the right-wing in general!

Unadulterated Underdog said...

Jack Mercer demonstrates here another rule of being a Republican: instead of responding when GOP faults are pointed out, Republicans counterattack. Jack, do you realize how childish you were back there?

Bella said...

Jack,

I bet you think all gay people are child molesters too, don't you? Beastiality on parade...give me a break!

And no, I'm not a feminist lesbian in case you are wondering (married, white, hetero).

For a man who proclaims to be educated and intelligent, your ideologies are rather barbaric! Time to step out of the cave Jack and actually listen to something besides your own grunts.

Nedhead said...

Just playing the other devil's advocate:

Addendum #1 to Republican rules:

You have to belive that homos spread AIDS. Ban homosexual marraige and AIDS will dissappear.

You have to believee in the need to set unachievable goals for education systems then withdraw funding for schools. Tell individual school systems to figure it out themselves, increase local property taxes, because the fed is cutting taxes.


You have to believe that smog, mercury in our drinking water, and heavy metals in our stream beds are just talking points, not supported by facts..

You have to believe that fags and lesbos are unnatural and God wants them punished.

You have to be against personal choice when it disagrees with what Pat Robertson dictates.

You have to believe that businesses, such as Ford Motor Company, had the best interest of citizens in mind, when it lied about its EPA mandated cleanup of a paint dump that is contaminating drinking water sources in order to save a few million dollars.

You have to believe that Ronald Reagan is a God and "trickle down economics" is economic bedrock.

You have to be afraid of homosexuality.

You have to believe that everyone but a Republican is a lazy beggar looking for a handout.

windspike said...

Unfortunately, those that control the gold, control the rules. And those taht control the gold (socked away in Swiss and Cayman accounts) are mainly repuplicans. More unfortuantely, they like it the way it is because it is profitable.

SheaNC said...

Jack, I know that you are trying to be funny, but your comedy reveals your true feelings. The things listed in the Rules for being a Republican were drawn from real world examples of republican stupidity, hypocrisy, etc., while your list is just a bunch of reactionary fantasy exaggerations. If you equate the left with things like beastiality, then you are more mentally fucked up than I previously thought. Please stay in the red states, will you?

Grandpa Eddie said...

Hey Jack, socialism has worked in many countries. The problem you and the repukes have with it is that you always associate socialism with communism and there is great difference between the two.

I agree with sheanc, you really are mentally fucked-up, just like your emperor chimp.

Jack Mercer said...

Such hostility! And I was just being funny...

Do I have to shave my head and learn to build molotov cocktails to post comments here?

-Jack

Jack Mercer said...

GE, go study Stalin, Lenin, Fabian, Keynes, (the list is endless). You know not what you speak of.

Nedhead said...

Hey, on paper socialism works. In real life it don't. The problem is the human element. Power, greed and selfishness.

SheaNC said...

Jack, you don't need to shave your head, but a blue mohawk might look okay...

Jack Mercer said...

I'll think about that, Shea... Entering mid-life, got to do something.

-Jack

turk fowler said...

Jack- You speak of things that are too true to speak of...it's upsetting to the rest of us. Please stop or we will have to talk to the supreme court and have you're rights arrested...

Mike of the North said...

Capitalism= power concentrated in the hands of an elite that is removed from the concerns and reality of the masses they exploit.

Communism= power concentrated in the hands of an elite that is removed from the concerns and reality of the masses they exploit.

Democracy does not exist.

Sonny Haithcock said...

I really appreciate people like you who take their chance in such an excellent way to give an impression on certain topics. Thanks for having me here.