Sunday, April 26, 2009

Tales from the Opinion Page Battleground

Recently, I donned my armor and engaged in battle on my local paper's opinion-page comment forum. The letter-to-the-editor in question was asserting that America was "founded on Christian principles". No, I am not broadcasting through time from the 13th century. Where I live there are people who think that way.

So anyway, as I researched my comments in order to rhetorically eviscerate my opponents, I found some rather funny rules that we are to follow if we are indeed a Christian nation. So, I thought I would pass these along to you, my loyal readers (and the occasional lost soul who accidentally googled wildly and ended up here - HaHaHaHaHa!)

  • Don't let cattle graze with other kinds of cattle.
  • Don't have a variety of crops on the same field.
  • Don't wear clothes made of more than one fabric.
  • Don't cut your hair nor shave.
  • Any person who curseth his mother or father, must be killed.
  • If a man cheats on his wife, or vise versa, both the man and the woman must die.
  • If a man sleeps with his father's wife... both him and his father's wife is to be put to death.
  • If a man sleeps with his wife and her mother they are all to be burnt to death.
  • If a man or woman has sex with an animal, both human and animal must be killed.
  • If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be "cut off from their people" .
  • Psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death.
  • If a priest's daughter is a whore, she is to be burnt at the stake.
  • People who have flat noses, or is blind or lame, cannot go to an altar of God.
  • Anyone who dreams or prophesizes anything that is against God, or anyone who tries to turn you from God, is to be put to death.
  • If anyone, even your own family suggests worshipping another God, kill them.
  • If you find out a city worships a different god, destroy the city and kill all of it's inhabitants... even the animals.
  • Kill anyone with a different religion.
That last one explains a lot, doesn't it? The next time some rightie-tightie says we're living in a Christian nation... remind them that they'd better toe the line. I mean, that one about unfaithful husbands and wives being put to death would spell certain doom for the republican party!


A World Quite Mad said...

That last line says it all!

Whenever someone says we live in a Christian country, I ask them what denomination? Catholic? Episcopal? Anglican? Lutheran? UU? LOLz

These people should read Jefferson's letters. They'd be shocked.

Grandpa Eddie said...

These people who say this is a "christian" nation have never read the Constitution and have no idea what they are talking about.

Nancy said...

"If you find out a city worships a different god, destroy the city and kill all of it's inhabitants... even the animals."

Thank goodness they haven't found out about us Shea. Our cats and my dog would be dead by now.

Wow! What a wonderful, peaceful, loving religion Christianity is....NOT! Our fellow citizens prove it every day on the A-D site.