Thursday, June 14, 2007

Only The Most Important News Items of The Day Can Shake Me From My Procrastination Coma

Yes, I've been away again, dammit, too long. But when a story this big, this important, this significant, this relevent, comes along... I can't lie dormant any longer. The sleeping giant has awoken!

This is the kind of thing that effects all of us. How long can this sort of thing go on!? How long can we sit idly by and allow this to happen!? Is there a limit to our tolerance!?

What am I ranting about now, you ask? Just this:
Rampaging squirrel injures 3:
"An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said on Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

"After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man's garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh."
Rampaging squirrels! OMG! AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!! How long are we going to allow these criminal rodents who roam about committing violence without remorse to continue their wild invasion? They have no regard for human life. They're not even human! And they're everywhere. And you know where they're coming from, right? That's right. They're coming from over there.

We can't allow this, can we? We must stand with our allies, the Germans, to battle this scourge. I mean, today it's Germany, tomorrow, well, France, then maybe Spain and/or Portugal and, well, I don't know, maybe Norway, I doubt Italy or Greece, but then eventually Britain and then...

Say hello to your little friend!

A snarling, spitting, growling and glowering sqirrel-from-hell, with nuts on his mind and you in his crosshairs!

You know, if we don't stop them over there, they'll "follow us home". And once they do, they'll end up taking the nuts that our right-thinking American squirrels won't pick up, only before too long, there won't be any nuts for any squirrels anymore! What do we have to do... build a fence!?

8 comments:

Granny said...

We're already standing with them.

Read this.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

Sounds like it may have been rabid, but Granny's still right.

Laurie said...

And we won't be lenient on any nation harboring the little suckers, either.

Tina said...

Those damn sneaky squirrels. One would think they'd be too busy with their sectarian violence to take the time to attack us? Sheesh... I guess what we need now is a surge to put a stop to this violence.

SheaNC said...

Granny: Yup, we're always where the action is, especially if it wears a big fluffy tail.

Future: She is right, and she's left!

Laurie: They will have to disguise themselves as chipmunks to travel freely.

Tina: Yes, a surge! All we have to do is ally ourselves with the wily blue jays. But oh, at what price?

pissed off patricia said...

Egads, this is going on and I don't even have my squirrel proof outfit on. Are these guys al qaeda related terrorists bad guys?

Laurie said...

Tag. You're it.

SheaNC said...

Patricia: A big fluffy tail can hide a multitude of sins.

Laurie: A-ha! I am it...