Tales from the Opinion Page Battleground

Recently, I donned my armor and engaged in battle on my local paper's opinion-page comment forum. The letter-to-the-editor in question was asserting that America was "founded on Christian principles". No, I am not broadcasting through time from the 13th century. Where I live there are people who think that way.

So anyway, as I researched my comments in order to rhetorically eviscerate my opponents, I found some rather funny rules that we are to follow if we are indeed a Christian nation. So, I thought I would pass these along to you, my loyal readers (and the occasional lost soul who accidentally googled wildly and ended up here - HaHaHaHaHa!)

• Don't let cattle graze with other kinds of cattle.
  
• Don't have a variety of crops on the same field.
  
• Don't wear clothes made of more than one fabric.
  
• Don't cut your hair nor shave.
  
• Any person who curseth his mother or father, must be killed.
  
• If a man cheats on his wife, or vise versa, both the man and the woman must die.
  
• If a man sleeps with his father's wife... both him and his father's wife is to be put to death.
  
• If a man sleeps with his wife and her mother they are all to be burnt to death.
  
• If a man or woman has sex with an animal, both human and animal must be killed.
  
• If a man has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be "cut off from their people" .
  
• Psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death.
  
• If a priest's daughter is a whore, she is to be burnt at the stake.
  
• People who have flat noses, or is blind or lame, cannot go to an altar of God.
  
• Anyone who dreams or prophesizes anything that is against God, or anyone who tries to turn you from God, is to be put to death.
  
• If anyone, even your own family suggests worshipping another God, kill them.
  
• If you find out a city worships a different god, destroy the city and kill all of it's inhabitants... even the animals.
  
• Kill anyone with a different religion.
  

That last one explains a lot, doesn't it? The next time some rightie-tightie says we're living in a Christian nation... remind them that they'd better toe the line. I mean, that one about unfaithful husbands and wives being put to death would spell certain doom for the republican party!